The Truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth....

Hi. Today, my feelings were hurt by someone I care about and value and respect. I won't get into what this person said, but I know with all my heart it wasn't meant to hurt me. It did hurt me though. Usually this type of hurt would drive me to go grab a treat, a cup of coffee.... something, or anything to stuff down my feelings or emotions. This also would of been one of those moments when I could of been triggered to go into discouragement and rebel by giving up my journey. BUT..... I am NOT going to do that! Hurt and all, it doesn't matter. Maybe what I really need to do instead is to share with all what my goals are for health and fitness. Maybe I haven't done that. I am not sure.

Here it is....

In my lifetime, I have watched others lose lots of weight, only to put it right back on. Why? Well, from what I could tell is that I watched them ban certain foods from their life until they reached their goals, then they just went right back into old habits, because now they are "normal". I am not "normal". and I will never be "normal". This is the first thing I have realized in this journey. Forever and a day, even if and when I get to be skinny, I will always have to keep myself on the "straight and narrow" path. I am not willing at this moment to give up all sugar, all "bad" for you food. Others may be able to walk that path, but I am not one of those people. At least at the point I am at right now. I want a food diet (not a weight loss diet) which consists of all food. You may ask why I think that way, because I think all food is acceptable, but not all food is profitable. When I am choosing healthy choices even 75 percent of the time, it's a heck of a lot better then choosing crap 75 percent of the time.

My goals for health and nutrition are this.... a balanced diet. I am most certainly choosing healthier and healthier food options. I am LEARNING how to cook healthier. It isn't instant, it's one step at a time. I rarely buy anything that is a box choice anymore. I eat whole wheat pasta, and real potatoes. I eat veggies and fruits all day long, rather then chocolate, chips, etc. After I workout I have a Builder Bar by Clif Bars for now, I plan to start buying some P90X bars though very soon.

My plan is to get fit by working out and building muscles. I want to see how hard I can push myself. This is so new for me. Anyone who knows me would know that I hate exercise. I hate it so much. Or I have. Something changed. I want to exercise, I want to sweat, I want to get my blood pumping and my heart pumping strongly. It feels good (in a weird sense). Weird for me anyway.

I have never been athletic. period.

Sleeping used to be my favorite thing to do. lol.

So, let's see.... Can I have that piece of cake at my husband's graduation? Yes. Why? Is it because I deserved it? No. Is it because I EARNED it? No. Simply because we were having cake to celebrate his promotion. Can I have cake every day? No way! Can I have cake once a week? No way! I probably wouldn't even choose that once a month. But I can choose something else. My goal is to have dessert of some type once a week. I realized that it's all in the amount I am eating. Choose good portions. Learn balance. Don't allow food to control you, you control what you put in your body. Simple as that.

Do I have a long way to go to reach my goals? Yes. I am being honest and say, I do. Do I want a quick fix it? No, I really don't. I have a lot of bad habits to fix. I have a lot of bad mindsets to fix. I have to fill myself with positive thoughts about myself, and then I will half won the battle. Every day is a new day.... Thank you Jesus that your mercies are new every morning.

Is my story inspiring to you? Or do you see me as one big failure because I ate one piece of cake today?

Some days are hard

My whole freaking body hurts right now! Chalene is kicking my butt with this TurboFire! I refuse to quit. Yesterday, my mind and body tried talking me out of my workout. Yet, I refused. I pushed through to that next part. There was no part of me that wanted to workout, yet I did. I must keep going, even when the going gets tough. I have no idea at what level I can go to until I push myself harder. :) Push harder today! :)

One week into following TurboFire class schedule

That's a terrible title... So not feeling creative at this moment because I just finished working out HARD. 7 days into my class schedule for TurboFire. They are not lying when they say that this workout is intense. Excuse my language, I don't swear, but I the only words that I can use to describe this workout that does it justice is that it is totally BAD ASS!!! Ok, so now that I have done that and offended some of my best friends, let's move on.

So, I had gotten to 250.8 not too long ago, but was hovering around 252 for a couple weeks now. (when I say hovering I mean it was bouncing around) But this morning, I did my one week weigh in. I finally hit two things.... 25 pounds lost and I am officially below 250. The scale read 249.8!!!! Gosh, people, I know I have a long way to go. I am working my tale end off! This week was filled with joy, frustration, and many tears. There was one workout this week that I literally broke out in tears in the midde of it, Chalene was giving a pep talk and telling me to tell myself that I was not tired that I could do this, and I began saying that and trying to get myself to believe it and I just started sobbing.... seriously.

I am NOT an athlete. Never really have been. The most athletic thing I ever did in my life was to be a cheerleader from 7-9th grade. I am pushing harder then I ever thought I could and finding strength in something that I literally never wanted to be part of. I wasn't willing to sacrifice in order to reach my goals. But here I am doing just that! Keep going, it's going to be so worth it!

This journey is long...........

I want to lose a hundred more pounds. I am excited about my goal. I am working towards my goals. Being realistic for me is not being negative, it's realizing that it didn't take me a month to get this severely obese, nor will it take me that long to lose a hundred pounds. I have realities that someone who is 30 pounds overweight do not have. Every moment of every day I face challenges.Sometimes I am on a high and it's super easy, but it gets challenging when I feel stressed, lonely, someone hurts my feelings, etc. Those are the moments that I am drawn to food. The difference is that I am no longer eating a plate full of buttered noodles, but instead I am choosing to eat a banana. Still food, but better for me food.
Sometimes I read other people's words about their journey and how awesome they are, and I feel a bit hurt, like they took a knife and stabbed me repeatedly. They are so self righteous and it feels judgmental towards a struggle they can't relate to. Don't tell me that you are in the same boat as me when you never had over a hundred pounds to lose. Yes, these are the words of a girl who is a bit angry and frustrated.
You just have no idea what someone else is going through until you walk the path yourself.
By the way, I love Beachbody so much and I believe whole heartedly in the company. That is why I became a coach. I want to help others achieve their goals, through encouragement and support. There is so much to be said about being healthy and fit and active. This whole thing IS my life.... and I take it very seriously. I am not "quitting", even when I have a momentary lapse. I have mercy and grace for my own self on this journey. Every day is a new day.... if I didn't get it done today, I can get it done tomorrow.
So there you go... my heartfelt rant.....

Struggles

I have momentary weaknesses. Last night, I gave in to my craving, and had a bowl of cereal with milk and a banana in it. I love, love, love this. But it is contrary to my goals and my weight loss journey. I go through these great weeks where I lose a bunch of weight, but then I struggle to keep it for the next 2 to 3 weeks. Why do I do this to myself? I have to keep going and pressing on. I have huge goals for my life and I keep letting myself get sidetracked. Refocus, Anna, Refocus.


Anna

Setting big goals....

I have set some amazingly HUGE goals for myself. I will hold steady. I am focused. I will work towards my goal. I am excited, and I am putting my best effort into this weight-loss journey. I am entering the Beachbody challenge. I am going to order Turbo Fire this month and I am going to set myself a rigid schedule and eating plan and see what results I can get. This is about long term. This is about being healthy, and physically fit. It's also about testing my resolve, my limits, and challenging myself personally. I think it's good for us to have goals that we are actively working towards, it builds confidence as we reach each mini goal and then when we get to the big goal. :) I have to push myself hard in this and stop looking back, stop expecting FAILURE. I am an overcomer! God has made me an overcomer. He is my strength and my song! On Him I depend, it's not about what I do, but what He does through me. Let's go!!!

My why.....

This isn't about a number on the scale. It isn't about being "skinny". I am not trying to impress people, and I am certainly not trying to make my husband love me more. Thankfully, my husband loves me no matter what size I am, and I am content in that love.

This isn't about a competition and then I just go back to the way I ate before, as if I did it for nothing.

No, this is because I want to get healthy for ME!! For sure, this will add to my family's life the ability to do a lot more things together, BUT it's still for me nonetheless. I have faced the fact that I am MORBIDLY OBESE. Those words both disgust and frighten me. How can that be? And how did I let it get so bad?

This is about putting my fleshly desires below my spiritual needs. I am in CONTROL of what I put in my mouth; not emotions, setbacks, disappointments, joy, stress, or any of the things that have contributed to my unhealthy mindless eating. This is about TAKING CHARGE of my own health, and my needs. This is about TAKING CARE of ME!

As a mom of 5 kids, taking care of me tends to take a back seat to the daily demands of raising a family. Not only do I have 5 kids, but I have chosen to homeschool them. That takes up a good portion of my time, planning, and teaching. I wouldn't have it any other way, BUT it is demanding and it has caused me at times to keep pushing me down on the list of "To do's". It's time to take that back! No more putting me down on the list. If I am not healthy, then no one in my family is truly taken care of.

This isn't about pushing a business agenda. Though I am an Independent Beachbody Coach. I do love Beachbody and the business I have started, but really this is about me pushing myself.... and winning the battle over obesity. I can't wait until I can say I have conquered this battle and won the war!

I invite you to join me on this journey!

Anna